Eating Out Depression

So yeah I am back for some itsy bitsy time.

I am being solitude and flying away from the outside world

for a moment because of my sickening depression.

I don't even know the fuck am I doing with my life, freaking impulsive.

So I took some psychological tests and found out I am

all positive with disorders and I was, well, not surprised.

Oh well, I guess I knew somehow I am sad.

That's the picture of what I ate yesterday and yeah I ate

alone at a restaurant some chicken, noodles, egg rice, chips and potatoes.

Well the problem is I have a social disorder so I ate like

a retarded in front of everybody there like my hands are SHAKING terribly

and I can't control it!

Every bite my hands are shaking terribly and my body is shivering like yes, I have

an avoidant disorder. DAFUQ.

Damn, I was a shy, shy deer!

So after I got my salary I stroll at the mall and I don't

know really where to go I wanna do something but

see myself and I just got so freaking lonely there.

Saw things and people with friends and families together

and there I am strolling alone like a skunk.

I was all complaining how misery has taken my life but

I don't want to give chance on suitors, well fuck me right?

Its my damn fault being freaking alone.

But I don't know I'm really fucked up right now.

So everyday I spent my money on foods and thank you 

I have a great metabolism I don't gain weight really even though

I eat like there's no tomorrow!

It's like I need someone to embrace me, say everything will

be alright but no one is there for me.

To add how frustrated I am I joined a dating site?!

But I don't even entertain suitors near me.

The heck is wrong with me. Then I will complain how lonely I am.

I don't know fuck, fuck, fuck!

It's like I am so fed up with the pain I gained before on people who

 lives near me or around my place that I just can't open up anymore.

It was the feeling like you have SOMETHING to say but there is

NOTHING inside of you.

 And now I was listening to damn Avril Lavigne:

"Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you..." 

Fuck.

Rua